And I am Back…..

It’s now nearly 3 months since Dad passed away and at times I still feel like I am living in some suspended reality! The Lockdown and total change of life as we know across geographies has added more to this sense of unreal or living in parallel universe, but the fact is, this is the new normal and we all have to adapt to it.

Sometimes it feels like there is gaping hole in my remembrances of 2020; like March and April never happened, like I did not lose both my parents in a gap of 4 years; like I am not grappling with medical bills longer than a restaurant menu; like I have not really stepped outside my apartment for 3 months and more! And yet like I said all of this did happen and is still happening!

“Impression, Sunrise,” Claude Monet, 1872

I guess I just needed some time away to truly understand the twists in the tale that life is constantly throwing up at me. There were days when I just got up from the bed, opened my laptop; completed my work and then went back to bed. I was not reading and there were times that I do not recollect really what I was doing – there was an inertia which felt like all the activities were being forced on me, even the ones that I loved the most like reading and cooking and I just did not want anything. But whoever said Time does heal, was truly right and slowly things again started falling into place. My work though crazy as always, started making sense, I started cooking again and finally I returned to books with a new found love. And then there were people old and new, who showered me with love and attention and suddenly life was making sense again! It was but natural that I would come back to blogging sooner than later and then suddenly I realized that it was time to start again. 2019-2020 has not been kind and there were terrible heartaches; but there is always hope of the future and with that, one has to, one must move on! So here I am back again and it feels so good to bang away the keyboard with all the force writing whatever comes to the mind, knowing I do not need to hold back. I am finally free….

In Memorium….

It seems like yesterday that I was writing a similar post for my mum, but this time round it’s for my dad! After a prolonged bout of illness, Papa suffered from a brain hemorrhage on Monday evening and passed away Wednesday. He had been in a lot of pain lately and was but a shadow of his former self and now I know he is in a better place and in no pain. However the reality is still slowly sinking in and I keep thinking that he would just call me or ask me to make him tea or just generally lecture me of better savings schemes. He was the one who read to me when I was a little and in the words of Scout Finch, I do not remember when his moving fingers became my own words to read. He taught me to have an adventurous taste in food and all my wonderlusting came from him taking me on trips on when I was apparently 3 months old. My first wine was his present on my 18th birthday. We did not always agree and there were many difficult, trying moments and a lot my life choices were in rebellion to his actions. But he was my Dad and I cannot seem to forget the tall man who took the little girl by hand to the park every evening and brought her all the ice creams she could eat.

In the end, there was this eminently forgetful novel I read when I was 14 by Danielle Steel. The book was nothing, but the opening had this one poem about fathers and I always, since reading that novel, associated those lines with Papa. Therefore, I leave this post with those lines, in the memory of an unforgettable Daddy!

First Love,

First Son, or perhaps a precious daughter

their laughter swift and sweet,

his hand so sure,

his love so pure,

his loyalty to them amazing

his patience vast

and his heart wider than the heaven

the leaven of their lives

the bright sun in their skies

the one to whom they turn

the man for whom they burn, the light of love so bright

his wisdom always right,

his hands so strong, so seldom wrong,

so sweet, so near, so dear,

so much the hub of all,

and once upon a time so tall,

his love for them never waning,

always entertaining, handsome, dashing,

teaching, reaching for the stars,

driving funny cars,

a loving hand and heart,

for every lass and laddy,

beloved man, eternal friend,

how lucky you are sweet children,

to have him for your Daddy!

 

An Act

I was planning to share my July reading plans but decided to share this instead…

It was a wonderful balmy monsoon laden evening in this city of South Asia; the capital city of this delta ridden region, the most prosperous city of this debt ridden country. It was Friday and Faraaz looked into his mother’s room before leaving to meet his friends! “Ami, I am going! I will be back in couple of hours!” Faraaz’s mother, an extremely attractive and elegant 48 year old lady turned and smiled and said “Be home on time. You know we leave early tomorrow to meet your aunt and her family. They never see you unless you come home from your University!” Faraaz smiled and nodded and ran out to the driveway, where his car was parked – a gift from his father on graduating with honors and then getting through to Business school at _____ University, Georgia US. In 10 mins, he had reached the cafe, the ‘in place’ of the city, “the place” for some delectable croissants, crème brûlée tart and coffee. He got a corner seat and waited for his friends to join him. One was his classmate from the University and she was bringing another friend, who was planning to go to the same B-School and wanted advise on the how tos. It was already 7:30 in the evening and the Cafe was filling up real quick. Faraaz hoped his friends would come soon before someone came to borrow the empty chairs at his table, as the weekend crowd of various age, nationality and background started filling in. Just has he had been served coffee; Abinta came in with a younger girl. She spotted Faraaz and headed for his table. “Sorry we are late. My fault really…I wanted to pick some muslin for Ma back in US and I just lost track of time. Poor Tarushi was waiting outside her house for more me for an hour. But you know me and fabric” said Abinta rolling her eyes. Faraaz laughed and said ‘Oh! Yes! Why do you think I gallantly declined accompanying you to the bazaar? God! You are crazy!”  Turning to the girl who was called Tarushi, he said “Hi …I am Faraaz and you must be the one dying to get through to B-School.” Tarushi smiled and replied “Dying is the word! I am the only girl in the family to make it to a college in US and now B-School is the next thing on the agenda. After all I am a Jain, you know the business community of India and commerce is in my blood, so B-School for sure and Abinta tells me you are the guy to tell me all the ref. needed and the SOPs and the code to cracking it all.” Faraaz laughed and decried any especial genius but offered to help in any way he could and was about start questioning Tarushi on her grades and plans when Abinta interrupted them saying that they could first order as she was starving and then launch themselves into the geek world. It was while deciding on what to order, they heard a hustle and crash and were suddenly surrounded by deafening voices of “Allah ho Akbar!” Thinking this as some kind of joke, the three young people turned around to see themselves and the other cafe patrons surrounded by atleast a half dozen men carrying arms. Cold fear ran through them, as they realized that this was not a joke but a reality. One of the armed men started talking and it was some time before all 3 grasped what was being said – they had been taken hostage and the purpose of this armed group was to demand release of their leader who had been arrested by the government and the establishment of true religion. One by one, they started going round the room and deciding and declaring who should stay and who should leave, who could recite the holy book and who could not. They came to Faraaz and asked for identification for all three, which they handed over. After looking at their papers, one of the armed men, turned to Faraaz and said, “You can go. You are our countryman and a man of the religion.”  Faraaz turned to the two girls and then back at the armed man and asked “Will my friends go as well?” The armed man looked at the two girls and said “No! They are unbelievers and not of the country. They will stay“. Faraaz then looked into the man’s eye and said “Then I will stay!

Through the night the army and police force played a hide and seek of bullets and negotiations with the armed men. Finally after more than 16 hours of intense conflict, the army was able to break in – 13 hostages were rescued, one of the militant was captured alive and 28 people killed ; 6 militants, 2 police officers and 20 civilians were the price of this religious fanaticism. Among the twenty killed were Faraaz Ayaaz Hossai, Bangladeshi and a Muslim, Abinta Kabir, an Indian origin – American and Tarushi Jain and Indian Hindu-Jain.

This is a not a piece of fiction, though I have wondered about Faraaz had said before he left for the cafe and what plans the three were making that fatal evening of July 1 at Holey Artisan Bakery, Gulshan, Dhaka, Bangladesh.

Faraaz, in your brave act in refusing to abandon your friends, you defeated those bigoted morons and showed what religion truly is!

#Dhaka

For more information –

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/03/world/asia/bangladesh-hostage-standoff.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&_r=0

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jul/01/dhaka-bangladesh-restaurant-attack-hostages

A Solemn Moment….

I could have written a fun post, but I thought this was more important. Saturday morning India Time 9:00 AM, a series of earthquake shook our part of the world. The tremors continued for 2 hours sporadically and with yet another set hitting us on Sunday morning. The epicenter of the earthquake was Katmandu, the capital of Nepal, a beautiful little state bordering India and impacting both Nepal and the eastern India, the part of world where my family belongs from. The magnitude of the earthquake was 7.8 on Richter scale and has also triggered of several avalanches across Himalayan range, including Mount Everest.

According to BBC, 3326 people are now reported as dead and more than 6500 people injured, with several thousand still missing. While I am ok and so is my immediate family, I have several friends and acquaintance, who have been impacted by this earthquake.  A couple, newly married friends who were trekking on the Himalayas are missing. Several family members of my friends have been grievously injured and some already dead. The beautiful city of Katmandu, one of my favorite cities in the world has been destroyed – its precious historically rich architecture has been levelled and can never be put back again. 4 UNESCO Heritage sites have been completely destroyed! The country is now running short of food and water and continued heavy rains has led to fears of diarrhea and cholera among those who have lost their homes and are now forced to live in camps.

One of the poorest of the third world nations, with a GDP of $67 billion, (Wikipedia) Nepal has been in continuous political ferment since the death of its King and Queen in 2001, leading to massive political unrest and finally became a republic in 2008. However it continued with problems of poverty, health and other developmental needs. But despite all these trouble, the land and her people have always been warm, accepting, hospitable and joyous. My visits to Nepal have always been such wonderful and heart rending experiences, as the poorest of the poor are happy to share whatever little they have, if it makes your life better. All through college and graduate school days, I had a bunch of friends from Nepal – fun, crazy and generous and through these years of staying apart, they have kept in touch across time and geography and stood by me in most difficult times!

Nepal

This is a time for prayers and help for this lovely country and its wonderful people, who need our assistance badly. If you can, spare a moment for this wonderful land and its amazing people. They need all our help in any way or form.  If you wish to help through any kind of material support, please visit this link published by US Today, which will give you several option to support in cash or kind.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/04/25/nepal-quake-how-to-help/26361193/#

I would end by remembering all those lost their lives in this unmitigated disaster!